Live from the Rose Garden in Portland, Oregon
Commentators: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler
Championship’s roll call: WWE Champion: CM Punk… World Champion: Daniel Bryan… Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes… United States Champion: Jack Swagger… Tag Team Champions: Primo & Epico… Diva’s Champion: Beth Phoenix
CM Punk comes out for a match with Daniel Bryan but instead of Bryan he gets Chris Jericho; he says that what he has to say is more important than his match. Chris mentions that he believes that Punk is one of his favorite performers… but he’s not as good as Jericho. The fans called him the best in the world and he did not have to put it onto a t-shirt; Jericho says that he’s the last of a breed, a breed that wants to put on the best matches, and a breed who did not get along with the “powers that be” in the back. He says Punk is just like him, someone who went against the grain and advanced further than anyone would have thought, which makes him a wannabe. Punk finally fires back and says he’s never plagiarized; he also adds that Chris did not invent the “best in the world” moniker. Punk mentions Bret Hart calling himself “the best there is, the best there was, and the best there will be” and asks if Jericho invented that… at two-years-old? Jericho says he needs to get serious and reiterates that his “best in the world” is not a gimmick, but his reality. He has beaten lots of Hall of Famers, won world titles, and has had dozens of WrestleMania moments. Punk wonders who Jericho is trying to prove himself to; Punk, the crowd or Jericho himself. Punk says that Jericho is jealous that, despite being a champion, he was never “the man” like Punk is now; he notes the difference of being “the best in the world in what I do” versus “the best wrestler in the world”. He gets a great line in; “while I’m bust swimming with sharks, you’re dancing with stars.” Jericho said that while he was becoming a bigger star on Dancing with the Stars all he could think about was Punk ripping him off; he’s back to reclaim what he is: the best. Punk says all Jericho needed to do was challenge him; he adds “I don’t need Chris Brown and you don’t need Mickey Rourke” all they need is the title. The only thing they need is Punk and Jericho in a ring because that is all the ingredients they need for the best wrestling match at ‘Mania. Here comes Bryan for the scheduled match. 7/10 Excellent opening promo from two of the best (and controversial) mouths in the WWE. They had to go all out and make this opening promo considering possibly the best mouth in wresting history is scheduled to talk tonight.
CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan (w/AJ Lee, John Laurinaitis & David Otunga): Bryan attacks Punk from behind while he is distracted by Laurinaitis’ presence. SmackDown GM Teddy Long, along with Santino Marella, has joined the party at ringside as well; this has potential to be just as big a clusterfuck as the SmackDown main event last week! Punk tosses Bryan to the floor as we head to break. Back from break, Punk and Bryan are exchanging blows against the ropes. Punk chops in the corner; Bryan flips off the top to counter a cross-corner whip but Punk one-ups him with a springboard top-rope crossbody. AJ has settled into Bryan’s corner whilst there is a mishmash of people at the announce table. The focus of the match is squarely on the announce table where Long and Laurinaitis, on commentary, argue over brand supremacy. Anyway the match in the ring continues as Bryan backs Punk into the corner; Punk and Bryan are both quite savvy and probably realize where the focus is for this match so I expect minimal wrestling by design, as they know this match is a PPV main event worthy match, as opposed to brand supremacy fodder. Bryan hits a few Euro uppercuts and works the arm with an armbar (see). Bryan continues his dominance with kicks but Punk begins a comeback and entertains with mere kicks. Bryan misses a huge roundhouse kick and gets backdropped to the floor; Punk looks to follow up with a topé so Bryan cleverly calls AJ over to him, forcing Punk to stop his momentum. Bryan seizes the opportunity and trips Punk to the floor and tosses him into the steel steps. Back from the second commercial, Bryan has a classic ABDOMINAL STRETCH locked into Punk; during the break Bryan hit a top-rope superplex, which nearly ended the match the same way it did on SmackDown. Punk avoids a running dropkick in the corner as Michael Cole is talking to Laurinaitis about Twitter trends. They both slowly recover and Punk strikes with his feet; clotheslines build momentum for Punk as does a swinging neckbreaker. They speed things up with the knee strike/bulldog combo, countered into a missed Bryan roundhouse kick; Punk slams him and connects with the Macho Man Elbow. Punk, ever the ring psychologist, sells the elbow landing (due to Bryan’s earlier arm work). He signals for the GTS but Otunga hops up on the apron to distract; Bryan tries to segue into the LeBell Lock. They hit the double flying crossbody block spot for a KO so Otunga and Santino can get into a scuffle on the apron. The Cobra strikes Otunga so Laurinaitis pulls Santino off the apron drawing Long over to get in his face; a four-way argument erupts amongst all of the ringsiders meanwhile Bryan tries to sneak away but, just like on SmackDown, Sheamus runs out to toss him back into the ring. Punk hits the Go2Sleep and… Laurinaitis runs into the ring and calls for the bell? Post-match, Punk gets into his face about it. Long gets into the ring and shoves Johnny on his ass. Jackets are pulled off as Punk leaves, Santino and Otunga try to play peacemaker; Punk celebrates at the top of the stage but Chris Jericho returns and blindsides Punk. He bodyslams him on the stage and applies the Liontamer. 6.5/10 I’m rating the ENTIRE segment not just as a match but as a WrestleMania promo tool. They really squeezed as much into that segment as they could. Punk and Bryan kept the in-ring work to a minimum to save the real match for a time when it would matter and the focus is on the match as opposed to thirty different intermingling storylines. Still, from a promotional standpoint, this was pretty good as the WWE got a lot of stuff into thirty minutes.
A video package featuring Triple H/Undertaker II with various superstars discuss the implications of the match.
Kelly Kelly vs. Nikki Bella (w/Brie Bella): A random divas match to cool the crowd off always seems to work as we segue into the next big segment. Kelly Thesz presses Nikki and the roll around on the mat. Nikki comes back with a running faceplant; she stomps and boots in the corner. Nikki charges but gets drop-toeheld into the buckles; the satellite head scissors follows. Kelly with her own faceplant so the twins try to switch; Kelly sniffs it out and they trade O’Connor rolls until Kelly wins with a nice bridge. 2.5/10 Not sure what divas matches do for the title picture since Beth Phoenix has dominated everyone anyway.
John Cena vs. The Miz: This is a WrestleMania main event rematch; shows where Miz has fallen from, he won that main event but Cena is in the main event this year despite said loss. Speaking of which, he agrees with a lot of what I just wrote; Miz complains about busting his ass for the WWE and not having a match at ‘Mania. He plans on beating Cena to prove his WrestleMania worthiness. After Miz’s little tirade the match begins and Cena clamps on a side headlock; Miz frees himself but Cena leapfrogs into a hiptoss. Cena hits the fisherman’s release suplex and a running reverse elbow. He looks for the AA but Miz fights free and hits the Vintage Neckbreaker; he takes over with stomps and a running kneelift. At least the commentators are selling the urgency of winning to get on the ‘Mania card. Cena comes back with a backdrop and a Stinger splash. Miz counters a suplex into the Dangerous DDT for two. Cena rolls to the corner, setting up the Vintage Clothesline. Miz to the top for a double axe handle but he misses and Cena begins Comeback #1 (shoulderblock, shoulderblock, Proto-bomb, “you can’t see me”, Five-Knuckle Shuffle). Cena drops the AA and taps Miz with the STF. Post-match, The Rock is shown watching and does the “you can’t see me” gesture. 3.5/10 Decisive win for John, there but with the Rock in the building, he needs it. Pity it had to be against the Miz.
WWE Tag Team Championship Primo & Epico (w/Rosa Mendes) vs. Kofi Kingston & R-Truth vs. Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero) triple threat: Three men allowed in the ring and they can only tag their partners. I’m in the minority but I like Here to Show the World better than Perfection. Ziggler, Primo and Kofi start; Dolph retreats allowing Primo to battle with Kingston. Kofi leaps COMPLETELY OVER Primo TWICE on a rope run and hits a leg lariat. Dolph returns but eats a really high flapjack. Kingston monkey flips Primo and Ziggler and then tags in Truth. Primo takes over on him but gets his Irish whip reversed; Truth sidesteps him and Primo collides with Ziggler, wiping him, and then Truth floors Primo with a dropkick. He hits the leg lariat on Ziggler but Swagger runs in and takes him down. Kofi charges across the ring and takes Swagger (and himself) over the top to the floor. Back from break, Primo gets a nearfall off a sunset flip. Swagger and Ziggler trade illegal chokes in the corner; the heels gang up on Truth and double team him. Ziggler hits a nice standing dropkick, Primo tries to steal the pinfall, but they agree to keep working together until Truth begins a comeback. He hits a DDT to Primo and a Flatliner to Ziggler… in the same move! Triple KO. Swagger and Epico get tags but they get into a fracas allowing Kofi a hot tag; he bounds off the top rope with a clothesline wiping both Epico and Swagger. He nails everyone moving with clotheslines and dropkicks. He hits a pendulum kick and a top-rope frog crossbody to Swagger and then slams Epico onto him for a double Boom Drop. Kingston looks for Trouble in Paradise but Dolph sneaks up with a Zigzag; Truth takes him out. Swagger gets a nearfall on Kingston. Epico thinks Backstabber but Swagger senses it and drops down into the ankle lock. Kofi rushes over and saves Epico with Trouble in Paradise but Primo immediately nails a Backstabber and Epico crawls into the pinfall to retain the tag titles. Post-match, Kane arrives and heads to the ring. He kills Primo on the floor with a big boot and enters the ring. He clobbers Epico and Ziggler with a double chokeslam. Truth tries to fight the good fight but eats a chokeslam. Kane lights the ringposts and leaves bodies lying about ringside. 6.5/10 Entertaining triple threat match that was probably the first tag title match since Primo and Epico battled with Air Boom; Kane returns to destroy everyone (heel and babyface) to show us he’s still a monster and has no trouble embracing hate.
In the back John Laurinaitis and David Otunga discuss the Oscars when Teddy Long enters. Teddy mentions a rumor that Laurinaitis is fired and Johnny retorts with his own firing rumor; Long calls him a horse’s ass.
A video package shows Eve Torres’ recent actions, with Zack Ryder and John Cena, and her heel turn which segues into an in-ring promo from Eve. She looks at the crowd despondently as they chant “hoe-ski”. She says it’s not her fault that men fall in love with her or seduced by her; she acts like being hot is a curse and all men should blame themselves for their weaknesses. She blows a kiss and leaves. In the back, Eve bumps into, Kelly Kelly; she asks Eve why she ignores her now. Eve laughs at her and walks off leaving Kelly and Alicia Fox looking on ponderously. 3/10 Blah promo but it’s a good explanation for a good heel character. She should manage Kane.
Big Show & Sheamus vs. Mark Henry & Cody Rhodes: Pre-match, Cody embarrasses Big Show with highlights of his ‘Mania match with Floyd Mayweather. Show wants to start the match but Rhodes refuses and tags in Mark Henry. Show attacks poor Henry as he is trying to enter the ring and then clobbers him with a spear. Show chases Cody about ringside and yells at him right near Sheamus, who cleverly watches Henry recover, and tags himself in at the opportune time to level Mark with a Brogue Kick and get the pinfall. 3/10 Short match that builds Cody/Show at ‘Mania and helps make Sheamus look stronger (if that’s possible); it also books him as clever and a strategist, not just a big brawny guy.
Well it’s time for a main event promo… but it involves the one guy who is the master of the main event promo, The Rock! He soaks up unbelievable reaction and says it feels so good, he has Goosebumps. He admits that he’s not there every week but the Rock was created by the WWE and if it were not for the fans the Rock would not exist; he says when he said “the Rock is back” he meant in the hearts of the fans, not literally, and would appear sporadically; which was (apparently) what was expected. He gets to John Cena and pondered whether he was a phony; he admits that the Cena has his cellphone number but would rather slap him with a piece of Kung Pow chicken than talk to him. He calls Cena, not a phony and not “the guy”, but a Kung Pow bitch. He manages to get the millions to chant “Kung Pow bitch”. He gets to Cena’s “I’m fighting for all of the people in the back”; he says that no one fights for you, you fight for you. He mentions, when he was a “babyface” and fighting as Rocky Maivia, the fans booed him marvelously, just like Cena. He recounts a number of legends, including Randy Savage, who was never fought for, because they are men. He even mentions hometown boy Roddy Piper. Rocky says he fights for the people, the same people who were sick of having a King Pow bitch shoved down their throats every week. The Rock loves to entertain; he says “trail blaze” which elicits a big pop from the Portland Trailblazer fans. He talks Fruity Pebbles, Cena’s lady parts, and Twitter trends. He leads the fans in “lady parts” and “Rocky” chants. He really knows how to get a crowd to literally eat out of the palm of his hands. He makes fun of Cena changing jeans shorts to camouflage shorts, which works since no one can seem to locate his balls. Cena’s missing balls…trending worldwide. Enter Cena: possibly with or without balls. John says only the Rock can call him Kung Pow chicken because it is on every Chinese menu, just like Cena is on every Raw. He says he is “not out here to swing at the People’s Strudel… or whatever you’re calling your penis nowadays”. Cena admits he’s the guy who runs him down when he is not… and when he is there. He loves the Rock but calls Dwayne Johnson a “see-through son of a bitch who could care less of the WWE closed its doors tomorrow”. He also doesn’t need his notes from his promo on his wrist. I’m not sure what that was about. Cena says he may not have balls but he is going to beat the hell out of him at ‘Mania. He leaves but gets in a “continue trending” parting shot upon his exit. Hmm, Cena just owned the Rock? Dwayne says that it is just like Cena that he comes out runs his mouth and leaves before the Rock can slap his lips off his face. Rocky says the Rock and Dwayne Johnson are the same person and runs through his fifty nicknames. He ends with “the Rock is going to kick Cena’s candy ass all over WrestleMania, if ya smell what the Rock is cookin’”. 7.5/10 Rock provided his usual good stuff but Cena surprised me and really was the MVP of this segment with is serious, to the point, and slightly risqué retorts. Good stuff to build to the big main event at ‘Mania, which is now… trending worldwide.
OVERALL 6/10 I felt the build to WrestleMania was pretty good this week; the Punk/Jericho/Bryan/Sheamus saga involving the respective general managers was entertaining, despite that it was at the expense of a good match. The Rock proved why he is awesome at how to work a crowd to do whatever he wants them to do. The rest of the show was good and passable for build to ‘Mania.
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