Championship’s roll call: WWE Champion: CM Punk… World Champion: Alberto Del Rio… Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett… United States Champion: Antonio Cesaro… Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No… NXT Champion: Big E Langston… Diva’s Champion: Kaitlyn
The Great Khali (w/Natalya & Hornswoggle) vs. Epico (w/Rosa Mendes & Primo): Oh, no… at least there is a storyline here; the commentators say that Epico is upset that he and his cousin are afterthoughts in the tag division. I kinda agree. He opens with a kick to the shin but it is no-sold; he tries again but his boot is caught and sent on his ass. He heads to the floor to confer with the rest of his crew but Khali palms him back onto the apron and hiplocks him back into the ring. Khali then takes over and hits a clothesline. Primo hops up onto the apron to distract the big guy allowing Epico to dropkick him. It barely fazes Khali but Epico takes over on offense… for about ten seconds before Khali shoves him across the ring a few times. Epico tries to come off the second rope but gets caught in the launch position for the Punjabi Plunge; he’s able to break free however, so Khali just punches him in the mouth. He places the former tag champion in the corner and hits a pair of huge chops. More chops follow as Rosa freaks out on the floor. Khali, who doesn’t work by the hour, nails the Punjabi Plunge for the pinfall. Post-match, the freak show dances until Primo spoils the party. He grabs a mic and complains that no one beats Epico since he’s practically unbeatable; he challenges Khali to another match right now! 2/10 At least they kept it short but unfortunately Khali gets to wrestle TWICE on one show, lucky me!
Here is your winner… The Great Khali via Punjabi Plunge pinfall
The Great Khali (w/Natalya & Hornswoggle) vs. Primo (w/Rosa Mendes & Epico): The match is joined in progress after the commercial with Khali chopping Primo all of the way to the floor. Epico is still dead on the floor as Rosa shouts “quiet” in Spanish. The referee allows the longest outside the ring ten count in human history to the point where even Tony Dawson complains about it. I actually like Dawson despite my complaining about him, he just has a LONG way to learn the moves names and such. He has a good voice for it and his cadence works to build excitement at specific points in the matches. Primo heads back into the ring and eats a clothesline. Primo is finally able to create enough space between he and Khali to nail a running low dropkick to the knee and knock the tree down. He takes out with double chops to the head and punches away on him; Primo segues into a front facelock. He maintains the front chancery for a while until Khali fires him off and chops him from the knees. Khali gets up but sticks his size eighteen boot right in Primo’s face. Khali finishes with the Head Chop for the win. 2.5/10 This was a teeny bit better than the previous encounter but still sucked, although there is a small storyline involved here, it still has been a completely ONE SIDED affair. Maybe the Colóns will get a tag win over Khali and Hornswoggle eventually.
Here is your winner… The Great Khali via Head Chop pinfall
The first Raw Rebound is CM Punk’s ultra-serious hard sell Rumble promo. After that we get the EXACT opposite of the Punk Rumble promo from John Cena which ended with the entire roster coming out for the prerequisite Rumble brawl to close the show. The best pear was 3MB sticking their noses into the fray.
Kofi Kingston vs. JTG: I actually like JTG and he’s a heel again after a brief scrape with babyface-hood, a few matches against heels on Superstars and he was also involved in the gauntlet match with Wade Barrett from Main Event a few weeks ago. Kofi has fallen way down the ladder since losing the IC title (to Barrett). JTG applies a standing side headlock; Kofi fires him off but eats a shoulderblock. He’s all psyched up and hits the ropes but that’s not the thing to do with Kingston and he gets leapfrogged and reverse elbowed. Kingston kicks him in the leg and tosses him into the ropes; JTG avoids the double chops and whiplashes Kofi back onto his dome. He punches him and gets a nearfall; he pounds him in the ropes and entraps him in between the ropes and whips his throat into the top strand. He then nails an under-the-bottom-rope hangman to get two more. JTG hits a few elbows to the face and slaps on a double armlock. He slams Kofi and continues to dominate until he misses a knee drop. Kofi hits a pendulum kick in the corner and springs into a clothesline. The Kofi Komeback officially begins with his double chops and dropkick; the Superman punch sets up the Boom Drop. Kingston kills him with Trouble in Paradise (nice sell by JTG) for three. 4/10 Decent match that gets Kofi, who is dangerously treading water right now, a win; he does not have anything going on right now which is NEVER a good thing especially this close to the Road to WrestleMania. I like Kofi and he’s struggled enough in the midcard to be directionless at this point, he’s over and skilled in the ring, give him an extended feud with ANYONE of note (not even for a title) just to keep the fans interested; all feuds do not have to involve titles (see earlier match). If the WWE can find something for Great Khali to do they can surely find something for Kofi to do… and yes I did call you “Shirley.”
Here is your winner… Kofi Kingston via Trouble in Paradise pinfall
The show closes with Paul Heyman’s promo trashing The Rock with CM Punk watching from his skybox. Eventually the Rock comes out, chases Heyman away, cuts a passionate promo on Punk and subsequently gets his ass kicked by The Shield.
OVERALL 3/10 A trio of squash matches as we head into the Rumble; this is the FINAL REVIEW you will read before heading into the Rumble, I’ll give you my pick. I picked The Miz to win it about a month ago (I just had a feeling) but that call looks less and less likely now unless they go with a REAL Ric Flair tribute with him and have him win with #3. This year’s Rumble has about ten guys who can conceivably win it as opposed to years past where there were about two definites a handful of dark horses and a ton of jobbers. Although, I have had another thought recently: CM Punk loses the WWE title to The Rock and then sneaks into the Rumble and wins it, setting up the ‘Mania rematch. This gives Punk a Rumble win to add to his résumé, trading his 434 day streak for a Rumble win, where I assume he’ll get the title back at ‘Mania. It remains to be seen.
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