Commentators: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler
Championship’s roll call: WWE Champion: CM Punk… World Champion: Sheamus… Intercontinental Champion: The Miz… United States Champion: Antonio Cesaro… Tag Team Champions: Kofi Kingston & R-Truth… Diva’s Champion: Layla
An angry Jerry Lawler comes into the ring; he notes that he apologized to CM Punk and still got kicked in the back of the head. This week Lawler wants an apology from Punk. Punk takes his jolly sweet time getting to the ring. Punk, with his new Randy Orton hairstyle, is not going to apologize; he continues to complain about the “turned his back on the fans” comment. He kicked Lawler in the head because he showed him disrespect. Punk continues making fun of Lawler in the HOF saying he beat a bunch on nobodies from Memphis and slapped Andy Kaufman around. He apologizes to Lawler’s inability to beat Michael Cole, but mainly sorry about the person he’s become. Lawler stares at him and Punk takes that as an invitation to fight; Punk reiterates he’s the best in the world. Jerry says he just wants an apology. Punk continues to instigate a fight and promises to embarrass him; he leaves the decision to the King and leaves the ring. Lawler says that he’ll think about it. 7/10 That’s the Punk we’ve been missing for months.
Ryback vs. Jack Swagger: Swagger is on a losing streak, I don’t think that is ending tonight. Jack gets some knees in at the bell but Ryback comes back with a dangerous looking boot to the face. He slams him in the mat a few times. Swagger drop-toeholds him into the ropes and steamrolls Ryback with a shoulderblock. Swagger slams him and tries the Swagger Bomb but Ryback gets the boots up; Swagger sees it coming and grabs the ankle lock. Ryback kicks him off and backdrops him (sort of Jack landed awkwardly on his dome, there). He riles the crowd up with a “feed me more” chant. The Sheffield Lariat connects; Shell Shocked ends the decimation. 3/10 Feed him more. The losing streak storyline never works; poor Swagger, former world champ turned jobber.
Here is your winner… Ryback @ about 2:20 via Shell Shocked pinfall.
Jerry Lawler is still thinking about the challenge from CM Punk.
Layla vs. Natalya: Before the match starts Vickie Guerrero says she has an announcement after the match is over. Natalya takes her down with a reverse waistlock but Layla quickly counters into a hammerlock. Nattie gets angry and pushes her down and nails a boot to the face. She sits on Layla but the kickout sends her on her ass. Giggity. Vickie looks on bored. Layla gets a nice flipping roll through into a crucifix for a nearfall. Layla then hits the bounce up the ropes crossbody for two. Layla does that silly dance pissing Nattie off; she retreats to the floor where she uses the Finlay apron move to take over on offense. She beats up Layla and tries the Sharpshooter but Layla kicks her off. Nattie comes back with a vertical suplex attempt but Layla turns it into a small package, for two. Layla hits the Bombshell kick to get the three count. 2.5/10 Usual diva’s match that puts the champ over. All it served was the backdrop for the Vickie promo.
Here is your winner… Layla @ about 3:00 via Bombshell kick pinfall.
An inpatient Vickie Guerrero runs into the ring before Layla even can get off the ropes for her celebration to get to her announcement. She kicks Layla out of the ring because has something to say. She complains about AJ Lee’s reckless matchmaking, especially regarding Dolph Ziggler’s MitB contract. She says AJ abuses her power; Vickie continues to rant and rave and asks the Board of Directors to make her GM again. AJ of course skips her way out. She asks for the mic and then SLAPS Vickie and beats the crap out of her sending Guerrero scampering. 3.5/10 Okay, so she still is mentally unstable she just covers it up better unless you actually call her crazy.
Clips of Triple H in D-Generation X are shown.
We head to an anger management group with Daniel Bryan; he complains about being there. Some kid walks into the meeting wearing a goat mask on and Bryan goes off the handle.
CM Punk sends out a disparaging Tweet to Jerry Lawler. Lawler gets up on his chair, recounts his Memphis history, and accepts the challenge for the main event of Raw. Lawler drops the mic and stomps off.
John Cena vs. The Miz: They lock up and Miz applies a side headlock; Cena comes back with a leapfrog into his own headlock. Miz tries the same thing but Cena blocks the headlock takeover and takes his own headlock, again. A commercial break, this soon? When we return, Josh Matthews has joined for commentary; Miz is yelling at Cena. Somehow Miz winds up on the floor. Back in the ring, Cena hits a one-handed bulldog. Miz takes over countering a backdrop with a boot to the face and a running kick. He nails the Vintage Clothesline and heads up top for a double axe handle. Back to the chinlock; Cena eventually powers free and SEPARATES THE HANDS but Miz lowers a knee to the ribs. Cena comes right back with a snap-suplex; Miz then comes back on him with the Vintage Neckbreaker and a pair of running boots for two. Miz takes forever capitalizing and Cena snags him in the STF; Mi makes the ropes to break and then plants him with the Dangerous DDT. Miz looks for the Skull-Crushing Finale but Cena powers him into the AA; Miz wriggles free and hits a Bronx Bomb for two. Miz misses another Vintage Clothesline and triggers the usual comeback sequence: shoulderblocks, Proto-bomb, Five-Knuckle Shuffle and the Attitude Adjustment to end Miz’s night. 3/10 Boring match that was predominantly chinlocks and a Cena comeback; shows how much Miz has fallen as he usually counters one part of the Five Moves of Doom.
Here is your winner… John Cena @ about 8:10 (broadcast) via AA pinfall.
CM Punk/Jerry Lawler is RawActive tonight; pick the match steel cage, no DQ or tables match.
Back at the anger management meeting with Daniel Bryan; he continues to make this segment great. Harold complains about his boss taking credit for everything so Bryan goes off on AJ Lee. The final member of the anger management class arrives… Kane!
Santino Marella vs. “One Man Band” Heath Slater: Marella tries a double leg takedown and eventually he succeeds; Santino then spins around Slater’s back for fun and laughs at him. Slater then decides to air guitar at him; Santino tries to answer back but gets slugged. Heath stomps him around and punches him in the face. The fans turn on the match and chant “boring”. Heath tries to come off the buckles a few times but Marella keeps rolling to the opposite corner. Marella surprises him with an inside cradle; the comeback begins with a split-legged hiptoss and diving head-butt. The Cobra makes an appearance but Aksana comes out and distracts the Cobra. Slater tries to backjump Marella but the Cobra snaps out of its trance for a second to bop Heath to get the pinfall. 3.5/10 Poor Slater, thus endeth the win streak for Slater. Santino wins US title and is never on television unless he’s jobbing to Alberto Del Rio; Santino loses US title and begins to win matches, I don’t get it.
Here is your winner… Santino Marella @ about 4:15 via Cobra strike pinfall.
“Funkasaurus” Brodus Clay & Sin Cara (w/Cameron & Naomi) vs. Cody Rhodes & Damien Sandow: Pre-match, Sandow begs our indulgence and is elated to announce a miracle; he is able to have intellectual conversations with his partner. Cody then makes fun of Clay’s girth and Cara’s ugliness. We return from break with the match already begun and Rhodes applying a chinlock on Cara; he nails a running knee and tags in Sandow. Damien hits the Russian leg sweep and the Cubito Aequet. Back to Rhodes stomps abound. Cody keeps going for the mask so Cara lassos him with a hurracanrana. Brodus gets the hot tag and squishes Cody with an avalanche and Bulldog powerslam. Sandow breaks up a potential pinfall attacking the knee. He unintelligently charges at Cara on the apron and gets sent to the floor; Cara wipes him with a springboard crossbody. Clay counters the Disaster kick with a rhino head-butt; the Splat Splash finishes for Clay. Post-match, Cara tries to dance with Brodus, which is funny. 5/10 The one good thing three hours gets is some SmackDown midcarders some time on Raw; this was not the best example of a showcase, but at least the thought is there.
Here are your winners… Sin Cara and Brodus Clay @ about 4:55 (broadcast) via Splat Splash pinfall.
Back to anger management with Kane and Daniel Bryan; Kane removes his mask and calls himself the Devil’s Favorite Demon. Kane recounts his entire history in deadpan voice, which is REALLY funny. My brother set my parents on fire; I grew up and buried my brother alive… twice. I’ve set a couple of people of fire, I had a relationship with a girl names Katie (that didn’t go well), I’ve electrocuted another man’s tentacles, I’ve Tombstoned a priest and have an unexplained obsession with Pete Rose. The session ends and that was hilarious.
R-Truth (w/Kofi Kingston & Little Jimmy) vs. Daniel Bryan: Bryan tries to Zen his anger at the fans away on his way to the ring. Kofi joins for commentary. Bryan and Truth share a fist pimp, pre-match. Truth actually gets Bryan to fist pump with Little Jimmy. He then seizes the opportunity and takes over on Truth with No Kicks in the corner. Bryan misses a charge and Truth begins a comeback with a leg lariat and the Lie Detector; Bryan takes a backdrop to the floor. Truth grabs the mic to prove that he realizes they are in Milwaukee (last time he was there he said Green Bay). Truth begins a “yes” chant and it drives Bryan over the edge. He grabs the mic from Truth and begins to scream “no” at everyone. He gets counted out and is flabbergasted. Post-match, Bryan throws a fit and flips out. 4/10 NO! Bryan can lose these matches and will remain over as hell. He’s hilarious.
Here is your winner… R-Truth @ about 3:15 via countout.
Triple H comes out in his full arm cast; he discusses crossroads in careers. Triple H says that no one can defeat time. He goes on for a while about not ever want to be the “hangs on too long guy”. A lot of fans in the crowd shout “woo!” Cruel. He is at those crossroads; HHH wants to be all of his catchphrases and wants to kick Brock Lensar’s ass… he WANTS to do that but he can’t because he is not sure if he can. Brock has made him doubt himself. If he cannot feel that he can comeback stronger than before, than he’s answered his own questions. Fans chant “you can do it”. HHH then thanks the fans and then runs through the pro wrestler credo of trials and sacrifices for the fans. The term “walks the aisle” is used. Triple H says that the fans always cared and they were able to get him through difficulties. Fans are thanked for letting him play the game. He hopes that he will never be forgotten. Fans chant “thank you, Hunter” as he does the Game pose one last time. 4.5/10 Touching, too bad (with the exception of his best friend, Shawn Michaels) wrestling retirements NEVER take. I’m shocked that Milwaukee went along with it; perhaps they were being polite and gave the WWE the reaction it wanted.
Sheamus & Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio & Dolph Ziggler (w/Ricardo Rodriguez): Ziggler comes out to Chris Jericho’s theme and taunts the crowd about it. He adds we will never EVER see Jericho again. Orton and Ziggler start off. Orton steamrolls him with a shoulderblock; Ziggler tries a leapfrog but eats a clothesline. Randy uses the slingshot suplex and then deposits an illegally charging Del Rio onto the floor for Sheamus to shoulderblock him (off the apron). Back in the ring, Orton hits a powerslam. The babyfaces celebrate as we head to break; when we return Alberto is kicking Orton’s ass on the floor. Back in the ring, Ziggler gets a tag and hits a Showoff elbow drop and then a chinlock. Orton fires back but runs into a kneelift for two; here comes Del Rio for a nearfall and an armtrap chinlock. Randy erects himself but Del Rio keeps him back; he charges in the corner but Orton slithers into a schoolboy for two. Orton buys time backdropping Del Rio to the floor. Sheamus gets a tag and he runs through Ziggler with Irish Hammers and running knees. Dolph counters a backdrop with a boot and then stupidly knocks Randy off the apron… and walks right into White Noise… Ziggler counters with a sunset flip…. And then runs into the Irish Curse (Del Rio breaks up the pinfall). Nice sequence. Ricardo tosses the MitB briefcase into Ziggler as Del Rio distracts the referee. Orton sneaks up with a stretch backbreaker; Sheamus plants him with a Brogue Kick for the pinfall. 5.5/10 Poor Dolph, jobs again. He is really on a shitty streak; hopefully the streak does not end with him winning the World title because as soon as he loses it he will become Jack Swagger.
Here are your winners… Sheamus and Randy Orton @ about 6:55 (broadcast) via Brogue Kick pinfall.
In the back Jerry Lawler tells someone he has to beat CM Punk on his own. John Cena is the man he’s taking to. He does not want help. Cena wishes the King luck.
Zack Ryder vs. David Otunga: Kane comes out for commentary and gives poor Josh Matthews flashbacks. Josh runs away as Kane takes his place. Michael Cole is really funny here totally fearing Kane not even sitting next to him. Wow Zack gets a match on Raw. Otunga starts off with clubbering; Ryder tries to fight back but gets mauled in the corner. Kane continues to be silent on commentary. Otunga hits a corner clothesline and a shoulderblock, for two. David applies a Harvard educated chinlock; he hits his first wrestling move of his career with a vertical suplex. Cole tries to talk to Kane as Otunga applies another chinlock. Ryder comes back with a faceplant and a running clothesline. Zack tries the missile dropkick bur Otunga knocks him off. the ropes; he tries another suplex but Ryder reverses. Otunga reverses a whip but eats a Rough Ryder off the rebound and Zack gets a victory. Post-match, Kane gets in the ring and grabs Ryder by the throat. Kane lets Ryder go (I guess anger management works, he’s attacking heels) and chokeslams Otunga. 2.5/10 Bleh, they found someone jobbier than Ryder for him to get a win on Raw.
Here is your winner… Zack Ryder @ about 4:20 via Rough Ryder pinfall.
AJ Lee skips out and books CM Punk against HER CHOICE… John Cena for Night of Champions.
Jerry “The King” Lawler vs. CM Punk RawActive, steel cage, pinfall or escape rules: Punk holds to his word and gives Lawler the first shot. Jerry floors him with a right hand. Punk begins to kick away and pounds the King in the corner. He drops Lawler with a swinging neckbreaker. Punk grabs a chinlock and holds it; his new hairstyle is very Orton-like. He stomps away and claims to be the King of Memphis; he applies a royal chinlock. Punk begins to climb but ponders a double axe handle, King retreats to the opposite corner, so Punk improvises and hits a running basement dropkick. He tries the double axe again but the King crotches him; Jerry tries for the door but Punk cuts him off and drops a series of elbows. He then looks for a Rude Awakening but Lawler counters and shoves Punk into the cage. Lawler begins a comeback with pugilistic endeavors. He chucks Punk into the cage and unloads with a clothesline. Lawler heads to the second rope and DOWN COMES THE STRAP He hits the fist drop, for two. Jerry thinks door but Punk cuts it off and nails a running high knee on the corner and Punk is busted open. There is controversy over whether it was hardway or blade job. Punk signals for sleepy time. Punk hits an uranage slam into the Anaconda Vise for the tapout. Post-match, Punk retrieves a chain from under the ring and locks himself into the cage with Lawler. Punk has a mic and demands he call Punk the best in the world. Lawler responds with “hell no”. Punk beats him down and shoves the mic into his face again; he adds some more blows as John Cena runs out to… tell the timekeeper to raise the cage. Cena yells as Punk as he continues the abuse with knees to the face. The cage goes up and Punk slips out as Cena tends to the fallen King. 4/10 The match was short and one long chinlock. Boring. Lawler is older now and cannot go like he used to so this disguised a multitude of sins. It was okay for a Raw main event; the WWE are REALLY trying to get Punk a heel but people (like me) want to cheer him.
Here is your winner… CM Punk @ about 7:25 via Anaconda Vice submission.
OVERALL 3.5/10 Not one of the better Raws; the opening segment was really good but it was SO long ago. There were a bunch of matches that were really short to really mean anything in the long run. Kane going through anger management was pretty funny too; Daniel Bryan is also fun too. Everything else was seemingly forgettable. Once again this show is too long and having a screaming three-month-old teething baby at home makes this show seem longer (especially to review).